Does This Make Me Sound Queer?

Your leadership loses power every time you filter your voice to fit in.

Photo by Maayan Nemanov on Unsplash

Your voice as a leader is much more than your words.

What you communicate is empowered by your character, tone, posture, vision, and the stories you tell. These aspects work together in an unconscious way to form how you express what you stand for and how you lead. If you're not voicing this truthful expression of who you are, you are not leading in alignment.

This isn't just about communication skills. It's about getting your point across with queer integrity—a quality of connection that other people feel and simply “get” when it resonates as truly you.

Are you using your voice to be understood—or to be accepted?

For many LGBTQ+ leaders, our ‘safer’ communication often arises from a survival instinct: to say what’s safest, to sound "neutral," to “pass” and not draw unwanted attention where difference carries risk or reprisal. We have been taught to edit and filter ourselves—everything from how we sound, to our mannerisms, or what we choose not to say—by society at large—so that we can fit in.

Over time, self-filtering can become second nature—at the expense of freely being who you are.

But what happens to your ability to make meaningful change when you exclude the very parts of yourself that make your leadership meaningful and resonant to those who need to hear it most?

What if when you speak up, you allow your voice to be as queer, different, or unique as it already is inside your head?

What does your voice sound like when it’s rooted in truth?

Real influence isn’t about saying things that make you sound smart or authoritative in your role or position.

Influence is about saying what matters in a way that has an effect on other people's behaviour and thinking. That kind of resonance doesn’t come from preparation, platforms, or perfect language. As cheesy as it sounds, it comes from being completely and wholly true to who you are without apology.

Yes, you need to know the purpose of your message, the difference you want to make and why.

Hold back any essential part of what makes you queer, and your voice won’t feel organic, creating a disconnect that undermines your influence.

Integrity comes from being completely aligned with who you are—wholly connected—allowing for the greatest possibility of being understood and creating emotional connection and belonging with others through trust and vulnerability.

Consider these self-reflection questions:

• What conditions, people, or situations bring out your most aligned and proud voice?

• In what situations do you feel like you need to "tone it down a notch?"

• When are you being performative to mimic normative or cultural expectations (at home, work, or elsewhere)?

If you allow your voice to sound like what others expect, you don’t just compromise your integrity, your message loses its power and resonance.

When you disconnect from who you are, you can’t connect with others.

When you mute part of yourself to fit in, you diminish your leadership.

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Want to lead with your true voice—to inspire and resonate with others?

Inside Leading with Queer Integrity, I offer a free 8-day coaching experience that explores my six principles of ethical, values-aligned leadership for LGBTQ+ change-makers.

You’ll receive short daily lessons, guided reflections, and over two hours of video coaching to help you clarify your thinking, align with your values, and communicate with conviction.

Request to join here.

If this article moved you to pause and reflect on a decision you're avoiding, a challenge you're not speaking about, or how you've been filtering yourself, I also offer one-time coaching sessions to help you think it through and move forward with clarity.

Contact me or learn more about ‘The Integrity Session.’